some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have feelings that need drinking.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
