Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
