We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
