I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
