So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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