EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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