i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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