i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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