Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
