Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
