He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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