she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
