just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
