discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
