It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
God I need to hump something, right now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
