You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
