please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
