Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Drunk is a universal language darling
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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