Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
