my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
