don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
