EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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