My hand turned me down
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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