Your mouth is God's brothel.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
