i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
