cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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