She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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