im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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