he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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