you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
