i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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