i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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