halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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