Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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