I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
