He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
