i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
