this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
