Where is the hickey?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
