what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
