well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i drank out of a bidet.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
