A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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