That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
