i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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