Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
