Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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