all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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