just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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