I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
