..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm really busy with my period
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