Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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