I bet he comes in French.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
