I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
