he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
