I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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