There is no way he is gay with that hair.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
