I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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